This morning, I am not on the front porch with my lap top, I am coming to you from the room at the back of the house, I call “my office”…I can’t hardly call it “my Office” with a straight face. “Office” sort of implies you have important papers and such to deal with….
I watch the Home and Garden TV channel occasionally…That’s where I became aware that every house must have a media room and an office. I don’t have a media room, I don’t even have a flat screen TV….But I am looking…..for a BIG one….I’ll take it home hang it on the wall, in one of the under utilized rooms in this house…Then run over to Utica, to see Kevin at Cane Ridge, pick up a few miss matched chairs, set them up, facing that TV, I plan to acquire from a road side trash pile. And Voila! I have a media room! Nobody need know the TV does not work…all that really matters is I will have the must have “media room”.
In an attempt to make this room come across as an authentic office/writer room. …I have office type paraphernalia spotted around the room, there is a big old dictionary on a stand, I bought it at a second hand store and , a Roget’s Thesaurus, that I carefully placed on the desk, to make it appear that it in use frequently….(I could not tell you the last time ether one was actually used for anything…. except to press flowers)…it is so much easier and faster to go on line to get answers my lexicon questions. Also on my desk I have pencils and pens standing in vases….quite a nice wooden box, full of paper clips, I have two staplers, nether has staples in it, but they do not need to have staples…I do not have any important papers to staple… Behind me on a narrow table, I have papers and files in baskets….Like I have important business to tend to.
But all of that said, I do feel more like a “real” writer, in this room.
I don’t know how I got off on that tangent …
My brain use to work quite fast…not necessarily well, or accurately, but fast. And I always have been pretty good at interpreting instructions, even quite complicated ones……But some months back I became aware my brain had slowed down significantly …It has slowed down to the point I began to get concerned...it can’t be the chemo…those effect should have wore off long ago…I do occasionally take a Benedryl…some authorities believe Benedryl may have an adverse effect on our cognitive skills….
But, While riding the lawn mower the other day it came to me why Brain is so much slower now then he use to be! He at some point stopped taking information in and instinctively acted upon that information….to where, now, he is thinking in full and complete sentences! Occasionally with punctuation! Like !!! and dot dot dots…
I never thought in sentences, not back in the day.! I didn’t have time! You just do not have time for full sentences, not when you are tending to a house, cooking, yard, and babies.
But Brain is thinking in full sentences Now! And he repeats himself, he may change the words around a bit, but it is still pretty much the same thought….He asks questions and he does sometimes answer…but often when an solution doesn’t appear after he has repeated himself several times….he declares “I will come back to that…” and he makes Me say it out loud…..
Maybe it did begin when I was under the influence of the chemo…Brain had to work hard back then. I remember one time Brain and I were attempting to put a DVD in a Netflix envelop, so it could mailed back…Brain was struggling…. He could not figure out how to put the thing in the envelope where the bar code would show though the little window…I finally had help him by laying it down on the counter and lining it up….even then, it took awhile…we were both just before asking John for help.
I don’t know what to do about brain and his time-consuming, rambling sentences…I suppose it is to late now, I have let him get by with it for far too long. Brain use to get irritated with me, because I was so slow…but even with no parts on this body working as they once did…knees, hands, even my elbows sometimes hesitate…I, at times, am faster then Brain. Now he annoys me!….I am ready to go and he is still rambling on and on and on….
Fact is, Brain and I are both on a down hill slide…..
Brain has been wondering, who will depart this world first him or me.
Call if you need me
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